The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further al
Attending a wedding for the first time, Little Susie whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
Little Susie thought about this f
Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?" The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son." "Why di
The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey.
A guy was very ill and seemed to be very critical in life, so he went to the doctors and explained to the doctor how he was drinking to much alcohol and was very ill. The doctor looked at him and examined him, the doctor said to control his drink and
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluct
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Brav
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.Susie said, "He was born in a m
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work for a construction crew. One day, they were on their lunch break, sitting on a beam thirty stories high. They all note that they've had the same lunch for as long as they were on the job. They agreed if th
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said
Two brothers inherit their uncle's land after his death. They are excited and try to think of what to grow.
After a long argument they finally decide that they are going to grow sugarcanes.
Yonger Brother: Brother. If we grow sugarcan
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuade
A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."
The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."
Then the blonde says I
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluct
A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his
An old man was on his death bed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all
A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone. So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.Then she wrote a note saying, "If you ever want to see your child again, leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest c
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?" "It's for your headache." "I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!&qu
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My littl
Bhola was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before!
As
An American, an Italian and our own Bhola were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building...
They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food, she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can not buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.
The next
An old man was on his death bed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here is $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can ta
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind-hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name -Marylou- written on it," she said, furious. &q
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She
Whats the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her boyfriend....... She always used to say that i shall marry you if i could see !!Suddenly one day someone donated her eyes and then when she saw her boyfriend,she was astonished to s
A blonde was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12, he's notified that his uncle has died and left him over $100,000.
The blonde was so happy when the warden gave him the news, that he made a promise to put the money i
There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and
A man from Lahore was touring Punjab and got lost. He saw Santa working in his field and stopped for directions.
Santa told him how to get to Shimla.
The man wanted to talk a bit so he asked Santa, "Is this your farm?"
"Yep", Santa answered.
Nikhil and Mona were newlyweds. Nikhil thought this would be a modern marriage, meaning they would each play equal roles. So, the first morning after their honeymoon, he brought Mona breakfast in bed.
However, Mona wasn't at all impressed by his c
After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink.
"You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."
Things started getting heated on the sofa, bu
When Tim answered his phone, he heard a woman on the other end say, "Hi, Tim. This is Lucy speaking. Remember we met about four months ago?"
"Lucy?" Tim replied. "About four months ago?"
"Yes, that's right," Lucy said. "It was at John's apartme
Santa is talking to Banta about married life.
"You know," he says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to me. But there's always that doubt."
Banta says, "Yeah, I know what you mean."
A couple of weeks later San
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.
- Michael Pritchard
